thunder and lightning.

i am feeling particularly lucky. i have a lovey horse, an extraordinary partner, a homey house (getting better every day), six snuggle bunny kittens (one's a rental) a steady job, and my family is healing...

we are embracing this new way we are put together, this new freedom for my mom, a letting go.... moving to the next stage in our lives. my grandparents will be sweetly missed, but they are surrounding us everyday and helping us all in this next stage of our lives.

mom- i expect you to lead many herb walks and embrace your incredible ability to impart wisom on the most stubborn of folks.

i think it is time to move towards the old wisdoms again..... we all need a bit of healing.



things are in motion. people, places, directions are in a state of turbulence and upheaval..... but in a way that is ultimately going to bring about peace and comfort.

my gang gang, my grandmother, the last of that generation, is laying not a foot to my right, listening to the waves on a beach, emanating from a clock that also projects the time onto the ceiling of this very clean, very somber room. made more beautiful only by the three generations within and the flowering hydrangeas and lilys in purple and yellow amongst the tan and hospital blues and white.

she is waiting, or trying, or hoping, or dreaming of floating off with the noise from this little box, off to join her late husband.... her love, the one she has been with since he passed away, leaving her on the earth, her heart broken, her mind vacating her body with the man she ran away with.

i can only hope her heart is put back
together soon, soon enough.

this weekend has, as i mentioned, been full of upheaval. we began the process of revamping the kitchen in our wonderful home.... and here it is in photos....

the kitchen has been the same color, the same layout, the same everything for decades. the stains from years of smoking, the paper put up around the appliances. it was a little crazy seeing the progressively uglier/disgusting reality that has been our kitchen for the last seven months.

in the first two you can see what we always knew was there. staining, gross paint choices, and ok, but tiny tiny tiny cabinets.

and it only got better the more we took apart....



moments in time when the need to eat is greatest  and one desires no food. the worst of moments



well. it's true. we are all inspire by things we take in the just the blink of an eye. whether they be things we would never want, want to do, or find totally fulfilling in that split second we behold.

today, for me, the moments are swirling. i am dog sitting, and today we went on a beautiful walk. actually, it was a hike. the thing about taking an animal out for a walk by yourself is so different than being in the company of other people, there is no talking, just silent communication. you have committed to walking. to going slow, seeing the surroundings, hearing, smelling, tasting.... being present. we were out for over an hour, up and down and sideways, on the trail, on forbidden drive, where bikers and runners and power walkers are in such a hurry to get their exercise in, forgetting it is one of the most beautiful paths, no cars, no motorized vehicles. and then back by ourselves, up through the woods and into expansive meadows.

the smells are different, the sun feels different, the humidity is different. you can breathe easier. i always forget why i love being outdoors so much more than indoors.... and in the middle of the woods or a natural expanse... there is more oxygen, you litterally can breathe better, freer, and it feels so good coursing through your body.

this weekend was wonderful as well, sunday h and i went to adamstown, the self proclaimed antique capitol of the world. and, well, i would have to agree that percapita they definitely win.
there were so many beautiful old hand crafted pieces, worn, loved, well cared for and probably out living their original owners.

the old beauty, the landscape of hilly middle pennsylvania.

the taste of yummy food,

mmm. a generally yummy beginning to my week.
(of which i wish i had more pictures, but sometimes i get causght up in the moment, and live it a little and forget to take photos. whoops)


week of doom

so as of five minutes from now i will have a crazy week beginning. no 1: dog sitting a pit bull cutie pie for my friend. no 2: agreed to ride a crazy Arabian gelding three times before friday. no 3: my new horse has a swollen hind leg after getting kicked or something in his hock, needs daily cleaning and walking to get the sweeling down in addition to twice daily meds. no 4: i have no voice. and hopefully that will be the extent of the sickness caught from my roomate. not to mention i do stalls wed thurs friday and work nights all this week. so starting saturday, i may be dead. i hope not, but i may be.

oi vey. everything happens at once. always!



i got one. he's big. red and named rooney. i'm going to go visit him now.


early summer...

... means yummy juicy strawberries and the intense desire for peaces and strawberry rhubarb pie.

I'm despritely hoping my sister can come with me and we can pick strawberries and make something yummy, and then eat it all together this afternoon, taking pictures so everyone will know by our faces how yummy it was, but..... wait. that might be mean.

hmm. this weekend h. and i went to a wedding with her whole family.

also, i should point out that we are watching the flyers in the stanley cup right now.... well, she is watching and i am listening to her commentary. we are down, and h gasps, "oh, and with precious moments....."

oh she's so lovely.

Anyway. the weeding was lovely, we looked a smashing family extension. but what was on my mind foremost (much to my and h's chagrin) was the new addition to our house!

basicly he is so sane for being a rescued thoroughbred, and he is irrodescent when the sun hits him. though he's already lost a shoe and so the vetting has had to be pushed back. he's a looker, for sure, and totally sweet and sane. i hope solid and sound as an investment too. we will see i suppose.
rooney. a star?


dream house.

earthy delight basically says it all

country girl

sunday was my birthday. this makes me a gemini. and i try and embrace it with all my halves and wholes.

It started yesterday, well, it's been building for a while... listening to gillian welch and chris pureka non-stop (take a listen).

Yesterday on my way to work, i listening to the only cd in my car.... rising appalchia, two sisters who i've mentioned before. always decorated from head to toe, the embodiment of the addornment i wished i could muster as a teenager, abandoned due to the elaborate process it took to shed all the layers, bracelets, earings, necklaces, belts etc everyday before i got on a horse.

and here i am, sitting in my car, listening to them crooning in beautiful harmonies, memories of herbal conferences, west philly life, and images of what my life will be when i live in the country.

this is my parents house.... but you get the idea.

it's so hard to know so badly what will be.... it's been written in my notebooks. outlined in sketches and descriptors. how it's going to look, how it's going to be run, how many horses, how many chickens, where the garden will be in relation to the house, the barn, the gate, the bramble around the outside of the property, the trees shading the porch and around the perimeter  of the pastures...

i've filled books and cataloged it all in my brain.
i want to wear flannel every day, i want to beable to show my arms in the summer, and where my ripped shirts with nice britches. having my horse shining from miles away, and the dirt on my hands permanent. hair always twisted up and pinned haphazardly, weather worn skin, and a hat to match. outside all day every day, time in the garden and on the back of a horse, circling the property. fixing fences, collecting eggs and home grown veggies for dinner. making my way my own way. 

i think i am a country girl.
I think i look like a city slicker, kindda. not totally polished. a little wary, a little too unfazed by fireworks/gun shots.
sneakers instead of boots.
laundry dried in a dryer or in the basement instead of a line out the back door.
a 14x14 foot plot consideered a nice sized back yard instead of a nice-sized box stall for my horses.

oh, i can't wait. biding my time, trying to figure out the best way to do it. taking bits and pieces from everywhere and every one.

shape-shifting daily. beer bar waitress, scuzzi barn hand, yogi, put-together young 'trainer'. it will be a miraculous day when all the roles can meld into one. me.
my fragmented gemini-ness can be one holding it all together, living the life we've all dreamed up together while paying our respective dues.

i can't wait for it to be ok for me to be dirty at work again. and do it my way.