what do you see

when i look at you i sometimes catch a glimpse of the future, the lines on your forehead, the crinkles on either side of your eyes. The years look good, your skin a little more weathered from the wind and your eyes just as shining.
i sometimes wonder if you catch me gazing at you, a small smile on my face. i see love and wonder and so much passion. i see what i can only describe of as home, the most warm and comforting place i can imagine. i see a man who is radiant with so much life it shines out of his beard. i see intense care and tenderness, i see strength and control and loyalty to the end. i see a man whom i love and appreciate more and more with every passing day. i see a man who i trust with my life. i see someone who has their heart in the right place, and will do everything and anything for someone he loves, and will go to the utmost extremes for a stranger in need. i see someone i want to build a life with, someone whos arms are the ones i want around me at every opportunity, and whos eyes i hope to gaze into for a long time to come. i see a youthful love for life and adventure, daring and risk taking that will be there the rest of his life. i see someone who i love to pester, to play with, to tease and to love. i see the most attractive person i have ever met.
it is rare to come across someone who is honestly themselves and unapologetically so.

i sometimes want to ask you what you see when you look at me. in the morning light, in the soft glow of our candle lit dinners, across the console of your truck. what do your eyes capture that mine do not, do you see me through rose colored glasses? do you see me blemishes and scars and wildly a mess and all?


the mists

its been a long while since i sat at this computer with not a soul but the animals around and thought it a good idea to write.

there is never enough time and here i barely have any.

but that is what i wish to change. more time like this is exactly what the doctor ordered, just mind swirling, images and photos and wishes and dreams mixing, bits of the past and dreams of the future like moving through mist in the early morning light, you can make out shapes, but they shift and you are unsure of company except for what your gut tells you. noises muted and muffled, voices belonging to any or all or none but the imagination spinning out of control.

the misty mornings are always in a place where there are no neighboring lights, the voices are my loved ones, from far away, and all that i can be sure of is the overwhelming sense of that this is what is ahead of me. the shifting shapes are always different, the surroundings are not as important, it is this wave of heart wrenching warmth and love and abundance.

i know that moving through the mist will never take me to a place i do not want to be, perhaps instead it is just the path that is unclear and the ending has always been the same, but i was just too stupid to realize it.

twinkling lights of a fire and lights strung up on the porch, a dogs tail wagging furiously, munching of grass from big warm fuzzy animals, that much i know, the wind moves through pines transporting you to the tops of the trees, where watching the weather move through is a gift and the excitement in the air is also nourishing end energizing.

i have been waiting for the mists to rise and fall on this view for so long and the uncertainty to become a little more real. i have been reaching for it for so long, only able to grasp it by pouring over photographs of landscapes i have yet to inhabit. i can feel it getting closer, the yearning for it is sometimes unbearable, and then i sit with some hot tea and let my eyes gobble up images of what may be.... and gently drift into daydreams, the mist swirling behind my eyelids