waiting... is the pits

there is this kind of torture that is incredibly underrated for driving people insane, making them testy, irritable, pissy, and generally destroying really good folks. it's called.... waiting.
(a song called open doors  by brandi carlisle just started playing in which she sings over and over.... what are you waiting for.)
anyway... so. this is a seven month saga of torturous waiting.... first about the general search, waiting for the perfect house, and not a month and a half into the actual purchase of a house..... that my georgous lady needs to have (i say needs because of her intense desire, so much so that it is destroying/has destroyed her.... and therefore my happiness and our lighthearted souls)

and now.... the settlement deadline has been missed twice.... AND WE CAN DO NOTHING ABOUT IT.

which is the worst feeling ever.
not only that there is something out of our/my control, but that the happiness of the person i love more than anything is being stomped on and there is nothing i can do about it.

we are also in this supper shitty situation where now it is the 24th, with a holiday day after tomorrow. and we have to be out of house we have been renting...... by monday. (did i mention that's less than a week away) OH and what happens if we don't get the house?

well, I really am trying not to have think about that... mostly because i am not allowed to broach the issue with helen.

and i have no idea... i  mean finding a place to live for two people.... not such a big deal. but, well, i have these stupid things to deal with:


there are three if they all look the same to you.

and then... h. has these two crazy felines:





so all in all, we have too many fuzzy balls of stupid cuteness to deal with. and although many folks have said we have a place to stay, i'm pretty sure they don't want our cats.

fo real.

ug.

appaloosa

So. Appaloosa is a breed and a color when it comes to horses. when it comes to films, it is an absolute horror of a film. slow, drawn out, and renee zelwigger is the bane of my movie watching existence.

Now, the reason i bring this up, is because h and i have been watching a number of westerns lately, and it has reminded me that A. horses are far prettier than people and far more magnificent. and B. i really just want to be a dirty cowgirl that is covered in filth and rides all day. common, what could be better..... horses horses horses, awesome vests, sweet hand crafted riding boots, guns and dirt, all day, every day, in the hot sun. sounds ideal to me.

the ONLY good thing about the movie appaloosa was viggo mortensen. he is a fabulous actor, and has one of the best wardrobes, and a bonus in my book is that i heard he is a real live horse fellow.
now, a movie that you SHOULD see, hands down one of the most beautiful films i've ever seen, and proof that ben afleck is just shitty, is the movie: The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford.

Casey afleck is brilliant in it, not to mention the photography is just mesmerizing.

anyway, you should watch it, and then be a farm hand with me, or work on my farm with me one day... promise that dirt and horses will be all day every day.

things to adorn your body with....

I am fairly into body art of all kinds. piercings, tattoos, henna, the kind of stuff you have on you all the time. I have a few of my own, ever evolving.

my dad expressed from a very young age that he believes all f it to be mutilation. i think of it as art. and self. a way to express yourself, and decorate yourself. people have been doing it for eons. and it's beautiful.

Grandmother Agnes is one fo the 13 indigenous grandmothers who are doing some of the most incredible work for our future and the future of our grandchildren.

and stretching ears..... come on. when done tastefully....

how beautiful is she?

anyway....

I have spent many many hours sketching and throwing away ideas for things to but in myself... images and memories, and as a result, I am completely happy with my tattoos. they mean alot to me, and make me feel really good about myself.

granted I haven't had them for a decade yet, only about half that, some of them.... it's a process. I have a plan for when and under what conditions i will decorate some key places.. like my forearms.

i have ideas for more than i could ever fit on my body, but most of them aren't good enough. they need to be perfect, and images that i adore or created myself, or both!

anyway.... i think i started writing this because i could use a change... an addition... something to look at on myself, and think..... damn that's fucking beautiful.

because sometimes, well, we just don't do that enough.

family times on the web

so... its late and i cant sleep, and i though maybe i would peruse some blogs, look for some art inspiration or what have you. turns out the whole universe is using the blog-o-sphere for a f'ing baby book. seriously? is your computer easier to carry around with you and your pet-kid than a book and a pen? i mean come on.... i know i have one of these stupid things, and hell, turns out i'm writing on it more and more, and oh wow is it easy to put photos on... but what the hell happens when your kid is 20, you just died... and all they want is to .... caress the key board of your computer that died 18 years ago, and read your not so hand written notes about their child hood?

i mean, i get it, pictures, writings, etc. easy. in one place. and in this age of digital, it's virtually free, no paying for printing pictures, but then again, what happens when the computer is full, or the site disappears..... forever, dun dun dun

my parents kept a baby book for me, and taped photos in there, the wrist band from the hospital, my first opera ticket that really was my dad's... cause i was clearly on his lap.

it's touching, and TANGIBLE. (i cry nearly every time i read something in it)

stupid computers.
ug.
good thing i write in my notebook more than this crazy contraption.
and i can only hope they will still be making books and pens and tape to keep a book for my kid (s) one day.
geez

i have a theory....

that if a kitty and a dogggie had a baby..... it would be perfect. and a pony. i'm fairly convinced of this and am up for a debate at any time, but i think ponies have the best traits of both animal varieties....

thats all for now. i suppose

a horse dancing to billy joel

and... well. i hate billy joel, but that is beautiful

pony time

So. for many years i was worried that for everyone person, there is only one soul mate. and that perhaps it was possible for those souls to be stuck in another species' body. like my cat, or this horse i was enamored with named Arthur.
Well, i am pretty sure that i have found my soul mate, and lucky for me, she's a real human. I rarely become so enamored with a creature these days, and i think it partly has to do with the fact that i am no longer searching for that companionship and devotion... however, i met this very hansom fellow last week, who's name is "the Queen's Admiral" , Admiral for short.... and I have not been able to stop thinking about him since. I really wasnt him to be mine one day, so i can call him addy and clean him for hours a day, every day, and not feel like a creap. Admiral is this 16h2or3in horse (in non horse lingo... a tall bugger) and he is gray with dark dapples on his haunches, and a black mane and tail. He's four, and a thoroughbred, but has a full barrel and meaty neck for a TB. And the most dashing face, ever. now, what i think i find most endearing about him is his personality which is somewhere in between a toddler with A.D.D. and a hansom young man who's super good at athletics and is just figuring it out.
He'll go from being completely distracted, to a hot shot bouncing around the ring, snorting and huffing at a cat on the wall to one of the most powerful and focus jumpers i've ever ridden. He loves to jump. like seriously LOVES to jump. and does so. about a foot and a half over everything you put him to.
It's really endearing, and a good quality for a show jumper, which is what i'm into, and want a horse for. if only i had a few more thousand dollars........

hurumph. The only thing to do now is to wait and see. keep riding him in my lessons, and in the spring, when i have boat loads of money (fingers crossed) i'll try and convince them all to sell him to me, cause he's my current favorite. *did i mention he's a booger and spooky and hard to ride..... so hopefully no one else will fall in love with him.... eeeep.

he kindda looks like that. 'cept hansomer. way more hansom. just sayin'

whats making my day lovely:

the simple delights.
of cooking a perfect egg.
of a leaf rustling, sunny, fall day.
of a day with only your own imagination as the limit to what you can do.
an alarm not set.
someone crawling into bed, late, to snuggle and kisses on the nape of a neck.
kittens snuggling and purring.
a freshly cleaned kitchen.
the feeling of muscles twinging of soreness from a newly learned skill (oh how swinging a hammer to flatten searing hot metal is exhilarating!)
the first sip of coffee in the morning.
lunch with a cute person (giggle)
having the assignment: "listen to as much music as you can!"
conversations with an amazing woman (my mom) while still lounging about in bed with snuggling kittens.(that's almost overload)
the excitement of a dinner date with a cute person!

---i hope there are such exciting things in your lovely days as well!

crazy things.

a few updates:
----> universities are stinky.
---->new friends with whom you connect on a most basic level are lovely and fun.
---->the phillies need to win so that i feel some justice in that i haven't made any money since the playoffs started
---->riding ponies all day in the most beautiful countryside i've ever seen is one of the best things ever. in this lifetime. i think it's quite on par with falling in love, sans the being scared shit less part (of falling in love i mean)
---->photos are nice, but all on my camera.
and last, but definitely not least..... yesterday was my favorite holiday. and i think i'll hold a grudge against the person that made me work from 6-2 am, probably forever. or at least until next samhain.
HOWEVER: my disgruntledness was mared only by the intense energy that was whipping around yesterday.... the leaves flying, the air crisp and snappy, and everyone in high spirits.... get it, spirits!
moral is: nothing can beat a beautiful fall day when two worlds come closest to colliding.

happy all hallows eve !!!!