a love letter

This is a love letter.

Every once in a long long while you meet someone who has a profound impact on you. Sure, everyday people are changing your trajectory in one way or another and you yourself are always changing, shifting, altering... an inimaginiable number of paths your life could travel down.

But sometimes, just sometimes, one person can completely flip your world upside down.

And in this moment, the one that happened a few minutes ago, all of my worlds just collided together with such force that i only wish it could rise souls from the dead. Because Rob, this is for you.

Dear Rob,
I still maintain, whenever i tell the story of my trials and tribulations with college and how i got to be where i am today, i always mention you. I make a point to say that you were the only worthwhile thing to come out of Drexel. You were the only reason I stayed as long as I did. You were the only person who pushed me academically... i mean really pushed me, challenged me, and made me reconsider very little thing about life. This wasnt anything you saved just for me though, you challenged everyone and everything and every idea and concept, every preconceived notion about people, society, and any sort of semblance of normalcy.... you blew it all up.

Your tanacity and love and vision and clearness about life was so apparent. So forceful. You were totally fucked up, but such a powerful force that everyone you met had a reaction to you. Some were so loving and grateful for your brilliance. Some so hateful and cruel.
I think i have a few favorite memories of you. One was the first day of sociology 101. All the kids that were enrolled in the class were going for law. And the first day, i remember watching their faces as you went through the books and topics we were going to cover. All of sudden it was real. Real people. real problems. Abuse. Neglect. death. birth. rights and lack there of. and the destruction of our safe little cocoons. I loved it. I'm not sure they all did, but hell, nothing in life is worth doing if it isn't hard.

Maybe that was one of the biggest lessons you taught me. That shit isnt worth it if you arent making a difference. that its not worth it unless its hard. and Fuck, your life was not easy. But i always got the feeling you didnt really mind, because it made you who you were in this way that is completely indescribable and fabulous.

Halloween was on a day i had class with you. Remember? You walked in late. You were always late for class. Your five inch platform leather boots, fishnets and tiny little leather dress, and fabulous wig... were not enough. you waked in, snapped your whip at all the boys in the front row.... and said, "today we talk about gender".

And i was in love.

we became friends after a group project work day. You played regina spektor while we worked... that one song that is just heart wrenching.. you know the one. Samson.

Here I am now. Rob. Why did i just decide to listen to the song? my heart is breaking all over again.  I wish you were still here.... but i also know that you are one of the few people who had lived a thousand lifetimes in this last one, and even though you were so young, you were such an old soul, and people dont get to just be like that. I know you will be back to finish your work. And the only thing i can possibly hope for is that i can somehow be so blessed to meet you again. 

It had not occured to me, i would assume because i am a little thick sometimes (which was why i always loved drinking margaritas with you... my brain was always sore afterwards, a combination of the intense conversation and tequila no doubt), (off topic) that the path i am on now is a direct reflection of all that poking and prodding you did. Listening to a lecture about nutrition today... albeit a little half heartedly... all of a sudden I heard your voice. "This is structural violence. What are the social, political and economic conditions that drive the problem?" WHAT THE HELL ROB! full fucking circle.
You were always right.

I hope I do right by you and do this thing the way it needs to be done.

I miss you. You know that.

With all my heart.

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